Chlora's Stuffed Animals
(appropriations of Stuffed Animus, and Monkey Mind Marriage)


Chlora liked to name things.
She entered a contest once to name crayons,
but she didn't win. One of her entries was "Pepto Bismol Tongue"
for a crayon that was grayish-pink like that icky color your tongue
turns after chewing Pepto Bismol tablets.
Another crayon she named "White Lie"
but the Crayola people didn't think it would help their
marketing. Since they named the pale tan one "Skin Tone",
Chlora figured they probably blessed slavery like the Bible did,
and she'd have to wait a long time for them to wise up.

Mainly Chlora liked to name her pets.
She felt the power of Adam when she came up
with the name that fit best. For her sister's
box turtle, Chlora recommended Hard House.
She dubbed the rabbits Bonnie Bankside and Patty Esther,
a dog called Phydough and the tabby cat Iodine. A pair
of deer she aptly named Hunkey and Dorey, and their
little fawn Polka Dot used to drift into the yard till Dad
put up a high fence. Out at granddaddy's farm were
a pinto pony named Tonka Weejun
because it sounded Indian, and Caramel the calf.
The day Chlora found out that Caramel was the
hamburger she was eating was the day Chlora quit naming.
So when she was presented with a fluffy blue teddy bear,
she named him Teddy and that was that.

Teddy was well-liked by all the other stuffed animals
until they got jealous and triangulated. Teddy was allowed to sneak
into breakfast. He ate a lot of Alpha Bits.
But he was messy so she got him a bib.
At night Teddy consumed books. He gobbled up
every story she read, just like St. John eating that book
when he was stranded on an island. He would have benefitted
from The Swiss Family Robinson. He could've used
some Pepto Bismol, but St. John swallowed
that book whole, spine and all. Unlike some believers
who did that and produced vomit,
St. John just spit out beautiful poetry from then on,
giving us good news about light and dark.

Chlora liked the dark, except when there wasn't any light.
She often got in trouble for reading after lights out,
so she would go undercover with a flashlight.
It was especially eerie when the blue sheets were on the bed,
because then her tent glowed. Teddy and the two monkeys
were invited in for storytime. But the monkeys were never
as attentive as Teddy, and they since they were married
and inseparable, it got crowded under there.
Arnold the Circus Monkey was always disturbing the peace with his
noisy gong and clanging cymbals; he did not have charity. He had a
gummy smile and creepy eyes that bugged out.
But she liked his spunk. Feeney the sock monkey was as meek
as a Southern belle, unless she got riled up like Scarlet O'Hara
and pulled up raw carrots right out of the earth and snarfed them down.
Feeney was always looking for root causes of problems.
She might look innocent, but she was too smart for her own good,
like that scientist who said we all come from monkeys.
Since the Bible says we are made in God's image, Chlora
concluded that God looked like a monkey. But which one?

All of the stuffed animals liked to play dress-up.
But when it came to comfort, Teddy was the one she reached for.
Chlora told him stories of her day, and he even let her operate on him
once, just so she could see what was inside.
Like Chlora, he was proud of his stitches. The time she busted open her
Magic 8 Ball, it spilled purple juice all over Teddy, but he didn't even mind.
His face got smashed in from being used as a pillow, and his googly eyes
hung by a thread. His red felt tongue just wore off.
He would do anything for her, even if she hung him on a nail.

One day Teddy disappeared. Chlora went crazy looking for him.
She blamed it on the babysitter who had told
her she was too old to be sleeping with a bear.
She looked in all the usual places, then crept out to the trash barrel.
It was burning wildly, smoke curling up to the sky
like the Big Bad Wolf's cigar. Chlora sat down and sobbed.
Teddy had gone to meet Smokey the Bear. When she came back
inside, smelling of singed hair, she ran smack into her
Grandmother's big bosom, soft and welcoming, an olfactory mix
of roses, baby powder and onions. They sat down in the big old brown
rocking chair. While Chlora rested her weary head and cried,
Grandmother hummed to the rhythm of the squeaky rocker.
Chlora fell asleep.

When she awoke she was in her own twin bed, Teddy
tucked in by her side. He didn't even
smell smokey. She was glad to see him,
but realized she didn't really need him anymore.
And she really didn't have a good name for that.


SEE ALSO STUFFED ANIMUS